I am living in a developing country. This means, among other things, that I don’t have access to many of the creature comforts and services that I am accustomed to in my home country. For example, I have a 5-gallon hot water heater so my showers are short. I can’t get my favorite organic chai, so I make do with local black tea and spices. Internet service is sometimes slow, spotty or non-existent.
There is a different concept of “service” in the service sector here as well. One often has to get the attention of a server in a restaurant or shop, whereas in the West, one comes to expect that the staff in such places of business will be looking after our needs. Not so much the case here.
But these minor inconveniences pale in comparison to the positive aspects of life here that I experience on a daily basis. These experiences boil down to a shared experience of our common humanity. The best way to explain what I mean is to give some examples. Here, if I smile and make eye contact with a stranger, I am likely to get a smile and often a greeting in return. Try that on any street in the USA and you are likely to get an averted gaze, a look that suggests you may be slightly crazy, if not dangerous, or outright hostility. In contrast to the West, where we are warned as children not to talk to strangers, people here actually enjoy meeting and connecting with others as a way of learning and sharing.
When I first came to this part of the world I would often be approached by total strangers in public places and asked simple questions about where I am from, what I do, my family, my religion, etc. At first I thought this was because I am obviously a foreigner, and people are always curious about what a foreigner is doing in their country. But I began to notice that it was not just me that people would approach in this way. Strangers talk to strangers all the time here. Deep, meaningful conversations between people previously unknown to each other were occurring around me all the time in train stations, airport waiting rooms, restaurants and places of business. People are genuinely interested in and concerned about others. There is a line in a song by one of my favorite American bands that goes, “Strangers stopping strangers just to shake their hands….”. It’s like that here.
Another place this dynamic shows up is on the roads. The roads here are small, congested and full of potholes, unexpected obstacles and vehicles of all shapes and sizes. Traffic laws are virtually non-existent. To a westerner used to the large, well-maintained, orderly roads and strict traffic laws of the west, it appears to be a hazardous, chaotic mess. I’ve become quite used to driving here and am constantly amazed at how well it actually flows and that there is an order to the chaos and that order is based upon human connection and an awareness of our common humanity.
At most of the intersections there is a guy standing in the middle of the melee directing traffic. I’ve never understood whether this is an official role or if these guys are self-appointed, local entrepreneurs. They seem to make their living collecting small tokens of monetary appreciation from passing drivers. There are no rules about tipping these guys, but I would say that 30% of the auto drivers tip them and about 10% of the motorbikes. It’s a simple effective honor based system that functions well in a country where there is a small middle class, much poverty and many congested intersections.
As I said, the roads here are small and congested. Something I’ve noticed however is that when the traffic in one direction is very heavy and moving slowly and it is light in the other direction. Drivers in the less congested direction will yield part of the roadway to the drivers heading the other way in the congested lane. In the West, this would be totally unacceptable and would result in outrage, citations and possibly accidents as people used the “wrong” side of the road, even if there were ample room. Here, it is a simple, common sense solution to an everyday problem and it works because everyone understands that, sooner or later – most likely sooner, we will all be on the other side of the road and, fundamentally, we are all in this together.
Another example, one of my favorite, is when there is a near miss, an almost collision. It’s pretty common, given the conditions. In the West, at least in the U.S., when this happens, there is typically blame, fear and anger. Sometimes accompanied by a raised middle finger, angry words, the threat of physical violence, and almost certainly scowls. When it happens here, invariably, the response is a smile and laughter. Yes, every time, smiles and laughter, and eye contact. Usually no words are exchanged as we then go on our own ways. But if the time were taken to verbalize the exchange it would say something like, “Isn’t it funny that we almost crashed into each other and isn’t it great that we didn’t? Have a nice day.”
In my humble opinion, the west could take some lessons from the much poorer, much happier and much less stressed out developing world. I am grateful to live where I do.
Richard McFarland - Somewhere in Southeast Asia, March, 2018
